Councilman Paul Krekorian today unveiled what he says shows the “academic side of Paul Krekorian.” An elaborate, complex paper on the Assassination of JFK. “It was all a conspiracy,” said Krekorian. “A c-o-n . . . speer -acy,” his voice trailing off.
Krekorian’s press secretary furthemore issued this prepared statement, “By solving a decades-long mystery of national importance, Lord Paul Krekorian has shown that he can transcend pothole politics and be a player on a broad stage.”
Krekorian’s theory, which conspiracy buffs are already calling, “Grassy Knoll-ian,” posits that an “evil cabal” was behind the assassination of John F. Kennedy.
Krekorian’s bold paper doesn‘t just outline a hypothesis though. It names names. According to Krekorian, it was Dario Frommer, Frank Quintero, Adam Schiff, Mike Gatto, Jose Huizar, Antonio Villaraigosa, John Perez, Eric Garcetti, Herb Wesson, Mitch Englander, Brad Sherman, Wendy Greuel, Parke Skelton, Dick Riordan, Tom La Bonge, Laura Friedman, Bob Hertzberg, Mike Feuer, Ron Calderon, Bob Philibosian, Phil Jennerjahn, Brian D’Arcy, Chris Essel, Chahe Keuroghelian, Victor King, Sam Manoukian, Augusto Bisani, Frank Sheftel, Jozef Essavi, David Hernandez, Andrew Westall, Jill Stewart, “and some guy named Jean-Louis Delezenne” who were all involved in the conspiracy.
Due to the sheer size of the list, we couldn’t confirm Krekorian’s brilliant theory.
We were able, however, to reach several of the individuals by phone. Their reaction was uniform, “WTF, I wasn’t even born yet,” was their repeated refrain.
When presented with these reactions, Krekorian was stubborn as always, “their reaction clearly just shows that they were part of a conspiracy,” Krekorian stated. “Paul Krekorian will keep fighting for truth and justice. This has nothing to do with pigheaded, blinding pettiness,” he concluded.
Krekorian’s press secretary furthemore issued this prepared statement, “By solving a decades-long mystery of national importance, Lord Paul Krekorian has shown that he can transcend pothole politics and be a player on a broad stage.”
Krekorian’s theory, which conspiracy buffs are already calling, “Grassy Knoll-ian,” posits that an “evil cabal” was behind the assassination of John F. Kennedy.
Krekorian’s bold paper doesn‘t just outline a hypothesis though. It names names. According to Krekorian, it was Dario Frommer, Frank Quintero, Adam Schiff, Mike Gatto, Jose Huizar, Antonio Villaraigosa, John Perez, Eric Garcetti, Herb Wesson, Mitch Englander, Brad Sherman, Wendy Greuel, Parke Skelton, Dick Riordan, Tom La Bonge, Laura Friedman, Bob Hertzberg, Mike Feuer, Ron Calderon, Bob Philibosian, Phil Jennerjahn, Brian D’Arcy, Chris Essel, Chahe Keuroghelian, Victor King, Sam Manoukian, Augusto Bisani, Frank Sheftel, Jozef Essavi, David Hernandez, Andrew Westall, Jill Stewart, “and some guy named Jean-Louis Delezenne” who were all involved in the conspiracy.
Due to the sheer size of the list, we couldn’t confirm Krekorian’s brilliant theory.
We were able, however, to reach several of the individuals by phone. Their reaction was uniform, “WTF, I wasn’t even born yet,” was their repeated refrain.
When presented with these reactions, Krekorian was stubborn as always, “their reaction clearly just shows that they were part of a conspiracy,” Krekorian stated. “Paul Krekorian will keep fighting for truth and justice. This has nothing to do with pigheaded, blinding pettiness,” he concluded.
Hilarious! But you forgot Joe Coto and Leo Briones.
ReplyDeleteAnd you forgot John Shallman.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Deron???
ReplyDelete