Budget Savings Genius! Councilman Paul Krekorian Proposes Replacing All City Trees With Cell Phone Towers

Councilman Paul Krekorian (R-Burbank-ish / Sunland / Valley Village) today proposed a measure he believes could save the city millions in watering costs, at the same time, generating millions in revenue from corporate America: replace all of the city’s Million Trees with “those faux-tree cell phone towers.”  The idea came to him, he stated, after hearing “another goddamned complaint from some pesky constituents about a cell tower.”  See http://www.getthecellout.com/  and http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=137371419650917

Krekorian maintains that the modern cell phone companies have come up with “at least four bitchin’ designs” for “those fake tree thingees.”  They include: “Too Green Pine,” “Very Erect Oak,” “Vegas Parking Lot Palm” and “Overgrown Bonsai.” http://waynesword.palomar.edu/faketree.htm   “Think of the revenue the city could generate if we just replace all municipal trees with cell phone towers,” said Krekorian.  “Plus, if we could take the ‘water’ out of ‘Department of Water and Power,’ it might make Brian D’Arcy mad.”

Residents of the second council district, districtwide, were singing their praises of the idea.  We spoke with Jimmie Wimpel, President of the Sunland-Tujunga “Pontiac Fiero Ferrari Kit Car” Club.  “Faux is fun,” said Wimpel, his toupee flopping in the breeze.  “I wholeheartedly approve and endorse this idea.”   While environmentalists are not so sure, Krekorian’s proposal has already garnered rave reviews from a man claiming to be a board member of the Burbank Sierra Club.

So Here’s looking at you, Faux Tree Cell Phone Towers!  “They’re at least as good as rhinoplasty,” said Krekorian.